Traveling across America without killing each other

Not just your average forest

25th -26th August 2021

We had officially been camping 4 days, now. One thing we noticed about this forest, this magical place filled with pixies and fairies riding around on unicorn flies, we still had to clean the camper ourselves.
Thank goodness! What kind of life would that be if we had mythical creatures come in the night to clean up for us? Think about all that time on our hands to do things WE would want to do! Madness!

While hubs enjoyed his hobby, work, I called in the cleaners.
Yes, it’s cheap, it’s wrong, and some of you may even call it slavery, but I called them in anyway. While they were down on all fours, cleaning the sticky floor with their tongues, (because I’m that special kind of evil) I sorted out the massacre of 2021 in the fridge. 
Only one casualty, though, the broccoli had a funky smell to it. We gave it a good send off though: a boot to its butt and as it sailed through the air, hitting a few branches, we offered a funeral prayer. “Our broccoli, who sat in the fridge…” you know the one… 
*A moment of seriousness, we didn’t really hurl the broccoli into the forest. Please don’t send the police to our door and arrest us for wrongful disposal of a corpse.* 
After the boys finished cleaning the floor, I went through with the Swiffer and mopped up dog spit.

It was another holy hot, batman, kind of day. The air was so thick you couldn’t breathe it in like normal. The locals have adapted to the spongy air, evolution at its best. They walk around like cows chewing on the cud and were able to show us the technique of chewing the air until it had broken down into smaller, easier to manage particles. Surface to say, we didn’t do much moving around outside. 

Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was exhaustion from the long hauls that neither of us were used to, but the four of us took a nap that we dubbed The Epic Nap. The most epicist of naps to have ever been napped. We woke feeling almost human even. And I had some weird ambition to explore the greenhouse with the boys. They were pumped to go with me, of course. It took minimal struggling to drag them off the sofa and outside. But once they were outside, they took off like rockets shove up their bums.
No, I didn’t shove actual rockets up their bums. Just little firecrackers… that’s all… 

At Deem Lake, they have these adorable little playhouses dotted around, all with different bird names. I was disappointed there wasn’t one called Robin though. *Sad face* Possibly big enough to squeeze two full-sized adults in one of these playhouse cabins, or maybe a herd of children?
When I convinced hubs to come check them out with me, we had a peek through the windows. It looked like they only had one room with a bed but was also pretty dark. Maybe it was all an illusion and when you step inside it’s like the Tardis and is actually a mansion.
They’re still cute on the outside though. And they all had a swing chair on the deck.

Jake, the great explorer dog, chased things, while Patrick did his best to tag along. Got to give Patrick credit where credit is due, since he only has short stubby legs while Jake has basketball player legs all the way up to his armpits.
When Jake came back with a deer carcass, it didn’t surprise us one bit.
If you’ve ever met a Weimaraner, you’ll know they’re completely insane and thus, won’t surprise you either. 

Back at the camper, hubs went back to work.
The internet here was totally naff, but somehow, hubs managed to scrape by and earn a few bucks. In case you are wondering, he works online as a stripper, wiggling his bits in the camera. His hobby is working as an online mechanic and getting paid for that too. Funnily enough, it’s his hobby that brings him the most stress. Weird, huh?
But since the internet was rapidly killing his business with a rusty spoon, he spent most of his time looking for our next destination. 

Our last day here, after a mad rush to Walmart for a cool box and discovering that Indiana has a thing against diesel vehicles but like to torment diesel drivers with the promise of buying diesel but then cover the pumps with plastic and spray painted with “Haha! Sucks to be you,” we took a drive around the forest, in search of the elusive lake. Which, we found in a matter of seconds. 
But during our search, we noticed something cool about this camping place. If you’d rather leave the kids at home and take your ponies camping instead, totally doable here! There are stables all over the place!
I forwarded this information to my sister as quickly as possible. She then made arrangements to have her kids fend for themselves for the next few months, and packed her horses into their luxurious camper, complete with chandlers and gold-plated water troughs and hay nets, and off they went. 

We then came across something rather alarming… People! A whole flock of people! All driving those stream air campers, and all stuffed into one section of this gigantic forest.
It made us wonder if we’re being segregated for a reason. Like, maybe Yankees carry foreign, Yankee diseases or something. Or are these elitists because they have fancy, bullet looking campers?
It took all of a second to actually care, and we went back to our secluded neck of the woods, which was right next door. As soon as we all got out of the truck, the boys sounded the dog alarms because they suddenly realized there were people close by.
Who knows? Those people could have been dangerous, and taken that moment, in the three days that we’d been there, to attack. You can never be too careful, you know. 

Spoiler alert, we survived another night and moved on to the next campsite. 
Where did you go? I hear you ask.
You’ll have to wait until my next post to find out 😀 
Don’t forget to subscribe if you haven’t already for all this loveliness to land in your inbox 😀 
Much love,
Robyn.

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