After spending an exhausting three days working on the prologue of my secret work (that’s not the title btw) I finally got my brain to accept I did the best I could and it’s really not that bad at all.
I’ve been thinking a lot about writing in general, my blog posts, and basically how whenever I put any words on paper or the screen, all that’s going through my head is, this is utter shit! Who would want to read this? I then think about the reviews I got for my book Shattered Pieces, how I even got a few likes and remarks for the blog posts I write, like this will shut my brain up. But it has a comeback for that too. Everyone is going to find out you’re a fraud, that you can’t actually write, and what you have written which happens to be amusing or emotionally charged was actually a fluke that you can’t do again.
I’ve spoken to other authors about this, who all suffer from this universal bitch who has nothing better to do than fill our heads with lies. And it’s not just writers who get attacked, but all creatives. So, if it’s so common, why isn’t there a nice little pill we can take to shut them the *bleep* up?
I’ve come to accept there is no magic cure and all we can do is keep going.
Yeah, sounds like a copout, I know! But after doing all the researching, the writing practices to beat this mo-fo forever, it boils down to this, Imposter Syndrome is here to stay so deal with it. I’ll just add it to my long list of issues and learn how to make it an advantage and not an anchor around my neck.
Other things I’ve discovered over the past few weeks while trying to overcome this evil demon, is how very different my blog posts are to my novels. My writing is totally different. On here it’s just verbal diarrhea that I spew all over the page and then hit publish before I chicken out.
Novels, on the other hand, are like precious little seeds that need to be carefully cultivated into an epic story for people to read and say, “what a load of shit?” Or “not bad, Robyn. Not bad at all.”
It’s like I’m two different people when writing a post or a novel, or maybe I actually have split personalities and don’t realize it?
But the one thing they have in common is the attack of the Imposter Syndrome.
So, me, being the stubborn cow I am, will continue to run into that brick wall, doing the same thing over and over, even if the door is just slightly to my left, because I have to break through that wall eventually, right? And besides, this is the most writing I’ve done in years! And yes, I have to go take a lie down after hitting publish or sending someone some of my work to read because I’m plagued with anxiety, but I’m living my dream as a tormented author, so can’t be all that bad.
Moral to the story, don’t ever give up!